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Matters of the Heart. Has a Commercial Fuck turned into a torrid Love Affair which has turned your life upside down? Fear not. We have experts here who can help you through your roller coaster ride. Tell us your story and we'll do our best to help.

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  #16  
Old 31-05-2021, 09:46 AM
iluvbreast iluvbreast is offline
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Re: Care & Control

Quote:
Originally Posted by fallen11 View Post
In singapore?
sorry its not 50/50
maybe the lawyer just want to induce you to fight for it so he gets your business.
Can say its almost certain that the female gets the kids' custody. There are exceptions of course.

Exceptions:
1. She gives up custody by herself. This one is no contest, you win.
(next few points are to paint a very bad picture of her to the court)
2. she is being declared insane or mentally unsound / unstable
3. she has a record of committing violence or child abuse, or potential to cause physical harm to the kids.
4. Alcohol, drug or gambling addiction
5. Anything else proving she isnt capable of looking after her kids. But it must be a very strong case. No income is not a strong case as you'll be paying her child maintainence at least.
6. Any criminal record will be against her favour, but depends on how serious it was.

From experiences around me which i came across. Of course there will be other views.
I think maybe you have not gone through a divorce and are confused about custody with care and control....you should find out about it.
  #17  
Old 31-05-2021, 10:01 AM
iluvbreast iluvbreast is offline
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Re: Care & Control

Quote:
Originally Posted by fallen11 View Post
In singapore?
sorry its not 50/50
maybe the lawyer just want to induce you to fight for it so he gets your business.
Can say its almost certain that the female gets the kids' custody. There are exceptions of course.

Exceptions:
1. She gives up custody by herself. This one is no contest, you win.
(next few points are to paint a very bad picture of her to the court)....
Quote:
Originally Posted by johntan68 View Post
Custody usually joint; judge favors that. In term of care and control, it will be given to the woman, unless the woman give up this right or she is not mentally capable to take care. So in my opinion, don’t need to fight for care and control. Rather, u Should negotiate on the among of time access to your kids.
Seriously I don't know where you people get your information; have you actually gone through the process?

Go and check it out, our courts publishes the law online, and it is free.

The Custody is the right of the parent to make major decision for his children until they come of age.
With this concept, any lawyer practicing family law (who is worth his salt) will tell you Custody is always award joint, except one part give it up or he go missing or he is mentally incapable.

Care & Control on the other hand, as the term suggest, is the right (and responsibility) to bring up your child.
Why is it always link to the time to be with the children?
Well obvious right, if you are not there, how to bring up the child? How to bring him to school? buy food? bring him see doctor? How to scold your child when he is naughty?

Divorce is always serious, after all, it is not something you can do everyday. Some lucky ones never did it their whole life, then there are those like myself who chose the wrong woman to marry, have to do it.
  #18  
Old 31-05-2021, 10:23 AM
iluvbreast iluvbreast is offline
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Re: Care & Control

Quote:
Originally Posted by raefear View Post
Kids care and control with her. Pretty clear on this.

Day time after school my parents can continue to take care till after dinner. So majority nights with her despite ending work usually 8pm or later and mostly has not been joining for dinner.

I pay Maintenance and Alimony so they can find a 2 bedder condo! (Currently in a 4RM)

All this are things I picked up. She’ll be getting legal advice soon. Hope that wakes her up.
If your wife can say this, I suspect your wife already seek legal advice, you should quickly do the same and not waste anymore time. You should be the one to wake up.

It is a strategy you know; by having Care & Control (hence the time) of your children, she have a good chance of getting housing assistance from you after the divorce.

The legal grounds is that your children needs a decent place to stay when they are with her. This is the reason why some lawyers fought tooth and nail to prevent overnight access to children, because no place to stay mah.
  #19  
Old 31-05-2021, 12:24 PM
Greendevil Greendevil is offline
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Re: Care & Control

Quote:
Originally Posted by raefear View Post
Kids care and control with her. Pretty clear on this.

Day time after school my parents can continue to take care till after dinner. So majority nights with her despite ending work usually 8pm or later and mostly has not been joining for dinner.

I pay Maintenance and Alimony so they can find a 2 bedder condo! (Currently in a 4RM)

All this are things I picked up. She’ll be getting legal advice soon. Hope that wakes her up.
i like your wife wishful thinking of getting your parent to take care of the children till she after work, pick up the children home to sleep. So what the point of giving her C&C when your parent is taking care of the children and she forget it is your parent not her. The kids will be exhausted with going back home late and wake up early so she can send the children over before work.
  #20  
Old 31-05-2021, 06:00 PM
raefear raefear is offline
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Re: Care & Control

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Originally Posted by funboi View Post
Your property how?
Not too complicated. 1 HDB, joint name. I am ok to buy over her share.

My parent's place has space & is nearer to both Kindergarden/Pri Scho.
  #21  
Old 31-05-2021, 06:06 PM
raefear raefear is offline
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Re: Care & Control

Quote:
Originally Posted by iluvbreast View Post
If your wife can say this, I suspect your wife already seek legal advice, you should quickly do the same and not waste anymore time. You should be the one to wake up.

It is a strategy you know; by having Care & Control (hence the time) of your children, she have a good chance of getting housing assistance from you after the divorce.

The legal grounds is that your children needs a decent place to stay when they are with her. This is the reason why some lawyers fought tooth and nail to prevent overnight access to children, because no place to stay mah.
She hasn't but has many in her network who are D.
And yes, I have spoken to a few Laweyrs and already started to work with 1.

Waiting for P1 reg in a month's time. Meanwhile, sounding out to fellow users who may have similar situation & further fine tune the strategy.

There's still a (big) part in me that hope she wakes up, so that the kids don't grow up without a complete family.
  #22  
Old 31-05-2021, 06:10 PM
raefear raefear is offline
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Re: Care & Control

Quote:
Originally Posted by Greendevil View Post
i like your wife wishful thinking of getting your parent to take care of the children till she after work, pick up the children home to sleep. So what the point of giving her C&C when your parent is taking care of the children and she forget it is your parent not her. The kids will be exhausted with going back home late and wake up early so she can send the children over before work.
Yes, illogical. But that's her state of mind. Already as of now, I have been trying to shift their bedtime earlier with little success. They get at least 30min of Youtube on the TV before bedtime and only wind down from 10pm. Takes 30min - 1hour before KO.

Maybe after speaking to a L, she'll see the light and change her stance.

Last edited by raefear; 31-05-2021 at 06:40 PM.
  #23  
Old 31-05-2021, 06:38 PM
raefear raefear is offline
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Re: Care & Control

Quote:
Originally Posted by funboi View Post
So confident? Cannot be she buy over your share? Or judgement to sell it in open market?
What I meant was I am ok with that option or any of the 3 possibilites.

Temp fall back place is my parent's. It is where the kids go to from 11am anyway and nearer to their school.

Thereafter after dust settles, decide where to buy/rent.
  #24  
Old 04-06-2021, 10:25 AM
iluvbreast iluvbreast is offline
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Re: Care & Control

Quote:
Originally Posted by raefear View Post
What I meant was I am ok with that option or any of the 3 possibilites.

Temp fall back place is my parent's. It is where the kids go to from 11am anyway and nearer to their school.

Thereafter after dust settles, decide where to buy/rent.
Do share with us how you fought and the results after you settle the matter. It useful information to share, pay it forward. Surfing SBF for information was among the first things I did when preparing for my divorce...
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