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  #11101  
Old Yesterday, 08:24 PM
lipe lipe is offline
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

Sam and Becky are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary when Sam says to Becky, “Becky, I was wondering if you’ve ever cheated on me?”

Becky replies, “Oh, Sam, why would you ask such a question now? You don’t want to ask that question...”

“Yes, Becky, I really want to know. Please...”

“Well, all right, three times...”

“Three, hmmm. When were they?”

“Well, Sam, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start that business on your own and no bank would give you a loan? Remember, one day the bank manager himself came over to the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked...”

“Oh, Becky, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, to do such a thing for me. So when was number two?”

“Well, Sam, remember when you had that last heart attack and you needed that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Then remember how Dr. Morris came all the way up here to do the surgery himself and then you were in good shape again...”

“I can’t believe it, Becky, that you would do such a thing for me, to save my life... I couldn’t have a more wonderful wife... All right then, when was the third time?”

“Well, Sam, remember a few years ago when you really wanted to be president of the fishing club and you were 97 votes short...”
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  #11102  
Old Yesterday, 08:27 PM
lipe lipe is offline
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

One rainy night a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley. Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door.

Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet naked woman sitting in the back seat.

“Where to?” he stammered.

“Central Station,” answered the woman.

“OK,” he said, taking another long glance in the mirror.

The woman caught him staring at her and asked, “Just what the hell are you looking at, driver?”

“Well, ma’am, I noticed that you’re completely naked, and I was just wondering how you’ll pay your fare.”

The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver and said, “Does THIS answer your question?”

Still looking in the mirror, the cabbie asked, “Got anything smaller?”
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  #11103  
Old Yesterday, 08:32 PM
lipe lipe is offline
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

A nun gets into a cab in New York. She demurely says in a small, high voice, “Could you please take me to Times Square?”

In a thick Brooklyn accent the cab driver initiates conversation, “Hey, sista, that’s kinda a long drive. You mind if we, like, chat?”

The nun says, “Why no, my son, whatever is on your mind?”

The cab driver says, “About dis celibacy thing. Are you telling me you never think about doin’ it?”

The nun replies, “Why certainly, my son, the thought has crossed my mind a time or two. I am of weak human flesh, you understand.”

The driver says, “Well, would ya ever consider, you know, doin’ it?”

The nun replies, “Well, I suppose under certain conditions, in a very unique circumstance, I might consider it.”

The cab driver says, “Well what would those conditions happen to be?”

The nun replies, “Well, he’d have to be Catholic, unmarried and could certainly have no children.”

The cab driver says, “Well, sista, today is your lucky day. I am all three. Why don’t youse come on up here...I won’t even make you really break your vows. All you gotta do is go down on me.”

The nun looks around: They are awfully far away from where anyone would recognize her. At the next light she gets into the front with the driver.

By the next light, the nun is getting back into the rear of the cab, and the cab driver is smiling from ear to ear.

As she settles in, the nun hears the cab driver begin to laugh.

The nun inquires, “Why, my son, what is so humorous?”

The cab driver sneers, “Sista, I got ya. I’m Protestant, I’m married, and I’ve got four kids.”

And from the back of the cab comes the nun’s low-voiced response, “Yeah, well my name’s Dave and I’m on my way to a costume party.”
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  #11104  
Old Today, 12:57 AM
bitofnonsense bitofnonsense is offline
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

Quote:
Originally Posted by lipe View Post
And from the back of the cab comes the nun’s low-voiced response, “Yeah, well my name’s Dave and I’m on my way to a costume party.”
Hahaha damn funny, nice share bro
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