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Matters of the Heart. Has a Commercial Fuck turned into a torrid Love Affair which has turned your life upside down? Fear not. We have experts here who can help you through your roller coaster ride. Tell us your story and we'll do our best to help. This section is sponsored by Yakuza.

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  #1  
Old 27-05-2021, 11:51 AM
raefear raefear is offline
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Care & Control

I'm a Dad & want to prep as much for a best shot @ Care & Control of 2 boys aged 4 & 6.

Its an uphill task, so am here to see if anyone has heard/come across Lawyers with good track record to recommend.

Or if you are ok to share your situation & how it unfolded, do drop a PM.

Thanks in Adv.
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  #2  
Old 27-05-2021, 06:39 PM
iluvbreast iluvbreast is offline
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Re: Care & Control

Since you ask nicely...

In deciding (by the judge) who gets more of the Care & Control, the only factor is the wellbeing of the child.

A very very simplified situation, if your wife is a housewife, and she takes care of your sons while you work...then it will be unlikely for the judge to give you most days (of the week). This is especially true when the children are young and need someone to be with them physically.

On the other hand, if your wife is some high flyer who regularly travels for work (without your children), then it unlikely the judge will give her more access to the children.

The concept is who can provide a better care, you cannot claim that you have more money hence you can provide better care. Then the judge simply tells you to pay more maintenance.
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  #3  
Old 28-05-2021, 02:54 PM
raefear raefear is offline
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Re: Care & Control

Quote:
Originally Posted by iluvbreast View Post
Since you ask nicely...

In deciding (by the judge) who gets more of the Care & Control, the only factor is the wellbeing of the child.

A very very simplified situation, if your wife is a housewife, and she takes care of your sons while you work...then it will be unlikely for the judge to give you most days (of the week). This is especially true when the children are young and need someone to be with them physically.

On the other hand, if your wife is some high flyer who regularly travels for work (without your children), then it unlikely the judge will give her more access to the children.

The concept is who can provide a better care, you cannot claim that you have more money hence you can provide better care. Then the judge simply tells you to pay more maintenance.
In my case, she isn't a Stay Home Mum. Only stopped working for 1.5 yrs due to retrenchment & thats also when our 2nd one came along.

As for the kids age, 1 lawyer told me that the edge diminishes once the child isn't breastfed & are relatively independent. They are 4 & 6 this year.

Could take it that our income level is similar, but from recent records, she works longer hours and has more business travels(2-3 weekdays).

To me, leaving it to the judge is almost a 50/50 at best. What I am trying to do is to assess & strategise what points stack in my favour and pull the trigger once its 80/20 and above.
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Old 28-05-2021, 05:25 PM
Greendevil Greendevil is offline
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Re: Care & Control

TS most importantly have you clear your interim judgement and is she fighting for custody as well?

usually, interim judgement is to validate the ground of divorce is valid and a good lawyer will only emphasis the reason for the breakdown of marriage, avoiding all the term and condition. but some are fool into stating T&C in the interim and trapped in the final judgement.

There is no same cases as all families are different. few pointers that may be useful:

1. You need to protray as the responsible parent from the start of the proceeding to end. i.e. if you have caught adultery, then it is an uphill battle.

2. Your parenting plan i.e. how you intend to house the children and take care of them.

3. Financial independent. you need to have good financial status or minimum need to request maintenance fee from the other on the upbring of the children. While there have been cases where the wife pay the maintenance fee to the husband due to custody, but these case are few and usually where the mother could not take care the children and/or agreeable to the arrangement.

4. Remember, woman chapter is not sexist. It is just a name, you stand an equal chance in having the custody.
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  #5  
Old 28-05-2021, 06:24 PM
Penguin23 Penguin23 is offline
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Re: Care & Control

Just got through a super amicable divorce 2 years ago - I have care and control over my daughter, 12 and my son, 7. My ex-wife basically gave up care and control of the kids but she has joint custody and free access to the children.

Your best bet is not to "stack" factors in your favour but to try and come to a negotiated agreement with your soon-to-be ex-wife. Bear in mind that any divorce that is contested will be a shitload of legal work and a lot of billable hours for both sides, with a very slim chance of winning it since you are after all the guy

When love goes out of the window in a marriage, all the woman wants is money. My ex-wife cheated on me repeatedly and I basically told her that with all the evidence that I have about her record of erratic behaviour over the many years we were together, it would be difficult for her to win care and control battle for the children

If you can outline the circumstances behind your divorce, happy to share some more perspective
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  #6  
Old 28-05-2021, 10:23 PM
fallen11 fallen11 is offline
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Re: Care & Control

In singapore?
sorry its not 50/50
maybe the lawyer just want to induce you to fight for it so he gets your business.
Can say its almost certain that the female gets the kids' custody. There are exceptions of course.

Exceptions:
1. She gives up custody by herself. This one is no contest, you win.
(next few points are to paint a very bad picture of her to the court)
2. she is being declared insane or mentally unsound / unstable
3. she has a record of committing violence or child abuse, or potential to cause physical harm to the kids.
4. Alcohol, drug or gambling addiction
5. Anything else proving she isnt capable of looking after her kids. But it must be a very strong case. No income is not a strong case as you'll be paying her child maintainence at least.
6. Any criminal record will be against her favour, but depends on how serious it was.

From experiences around me which i came across. Of course there will be other views.
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  #7  
Old 29-05-2021, 12:12 AM
raefear raefear is offline
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Re: Care & Control

Quote:
Originally Posted by Greendevil View Post
TS most importantly have you clear your interim judgement and is she fighting for custody as well?

usually, interim judgement is to validate the ground of divorce is valid and a good lawyer will only emphasis the reason for the breakdown of marriage, avoiding all the term and condition. but some are fool into stating T&C in the interim and trapped in the final judgement.

There is no same cases as all families are different. few pointers that may be useful:

1. You need to protray as the responsible parent from the start of the proceeding to end. i.e. if you have caught adultery, then it is an uphill battle.

2. Your parenting plan i.e. how you intend to house the children and take care of them.

3. Financial independent. you need to have good financial status or minimum need to request maintenance fee from the other on the upbring of the children. While there have been cases where the wife pay the maintenance fee to the husband due to custody, but these case are few and usually where the mother could not take care the children and/or agreeable to the arrangement.

4. Remember, woman chapter is not sexist. It is just a name, you stand an equal chance in having the custody.
Hi GD & all.

Nothing filed yet. Just doing extensive prep.

Custody isnít the issue, I reckon it should be joint which I could live with. This relates to major decisions - school, course, etc

The main focus is Care & Control (separate point) but is who the day to day decision maker for the kids is - eat, sleep, wake, wear, do.

Adultery has no bearing on the C&C so I hear. The aim to decide on C&C is the kids best interest as upmost priority. And in this case it isnít me.

Parenting planÖ probably research for good a template. Will be my parents and sis in the daytime. I still have a room there. Kids currently go there daily.

Financial. No issue forseen

Womenís Charter - Letís see if thereís any equality. Wife works and earns similar
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  #8  
Old 29-05-2021, 12:29 AM
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funboi funboi is offline
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Re: Care & Control

What is your wife opinion.......
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  #9  
Old 29-05-2021, 12:47 AM
raefear raefear is offline
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Re: Care & Control

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Originally Posted by funboi View Post
What is your wife opinion.......
Kids care and control with her. Pretty clear on this.

Day time after school my parents can continue to take care till after dinner. So majority nights with her despite ending work usually 8pm or later and mostly has not been joining for dinner.

I pay Maintenance and Alimony so they can find a 2 bedder condo! (Currently in a 4RM)

All this are things I picked up. Sheíll be getting legal advice soon. Hope that wakes her up.
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  #10  
Old 29-05-2021, 04:17 AM
nokasa nokasa is offline
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Re: Care & Control

All the best to you bro!
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Old 29-05-2021, 08:41 PM
raefear raefear is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nokasa View Post
All the best to you bro!
Thanks for the support Bro
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Old 29-05-2021, 11:17 PM
johntan68 johntan68 is offline
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Re: Care & Control

Quote:
Originally Posted by raefear View Post
I'm a Dad & want to prep as much for a best shot @ Care & Control of 2 boys aged 4 & 6.

Its an uphill task, so am here to see if anyone has heard/come across Lawyers with good track record to recommend.

Or if you are ok to share your situation & how it unfolded, do drop a PM.

Thanks in Adv.
Custody usually joint; judge favors that. In term of care and control, it will be given to the woman, unless the woman give up this right or she is not mentally capable to take care. So in my opinion, don’t need to fight for care and control. Rather, u Should negotiate on the among of time access to your kids.
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Old 30-05-2021, 04:02 PM
raefear raefear is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by johntan68 View Post
Custody usually joint; judge favors that. In term of care and control, it will be given to the woman, unless the woman give up this right or she is not mentally capable to take care. So in my opinion, donít need to fight for care and control. Rather, u Should negotiate on the among of time access to your kids.
Thanks for sharing. Fully understand its an uphill battle, so just hoping to hear from anyone with 1st or 2nd hand experience. So far 1 Bro got it and wasn't due to the wife giving up.

In my case, she's working and has longer hours than me. Taken care by my parents from 11am. Hardly back in time for dinner together.

Kids bedtime starts at 10 and usually end up being asleep only at 11pm +.
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Old 31-05-2021, 12:02 AM
johntan68 johntan68 is offline
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Re: Care & Control

Quote:
Originally Posted by raefear View Post
Thanks for sharing. Fully understand its an uphill battle, so just hoping to hear from anyone with 1st or 2nd hand experience. So far 1 Bro got it and wasn't due to the wife giving up.

In my case, she's working and has longer hours than me. Taken care by my parents from 11am. Hardly back in time for dinner together.

Kids bedtime starts at 10 and usually end up being asleep only at 11pm +.
The question u have to seriously ask yourself; are u prepared to fight in court for care and control? Be mentally prepared that this will exhaust your savings. At the end of the day, no one win except the lawyers. Alternatively, if u will to leverage your savings to give your kids a better life ? I have a friend that spent more than $100k but ended up out of court settlement. Think carefully..
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Old 31-05-2021, 12:58 AM
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Re: Care & Control

Your property how?
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