[LionelFeb1]

My story is a long one, so I'll cut straight to point:

I just turned 21 a few days back, heading to Tekong in a month. Currently a fresh Poly-graduate.

Ever since I was 10, I have a high sex drive. I started off watching mild upskirt videos on YouTube, before playing flash sex games, and then to watching real online pornography, all as a child. I learnt to masturbate from the porn I watched, and would do so frequently for the next 10 years. Recently, I've cut down because I've already lost the same excitement I used to have.

As a teenager, I became more conscious of things. Seeing people coming together as a couple, the romance they'd have and post all over their social media, it got me wanting the same. But, I could never catch a break with girls. I only ever had one formal relationship with a friend whilst in Poly, but that didn't managed to last more than...a week. It's pathetic. Girls either were all friend-zoning me, rejecting me, or used me for whatever I was good for while I let them. My heart has ached many times, and I just became this bitter and resentful self, who also had most friends distanced themselves away from me.

When I was 16, as a curious teen, I paid for sex for the first time at an illegal Heartland Brothel. After school and believe it or not, I went with my school uniform on...but I was invited in anyways. Didn't go through in the end as I was too timid then. It's a funny story, and I was only curious then!

But at 20, having all this resentment and urge to just wanna have something with a women...I found myself back to these Heartland Brothels, with every intention to screw. Thus, at 20, I lost my virginity...and would find myself going back for more.

Heartland Brothels are risky, so I moved to learning how Geylang works from this forum and started chionging there. I frequent Viet & Thai houses, and even constantly visit this same girl at a Thai house after we seemed to have a special connection.

But of course, CB fell and Geylang closed...devastated further, I started turning to local and Dome-1 FLs. It got to a point where, I found myself constantly wanting intimacy and was very willing to get it. But recently, an experience haunts me. I booked a local FL for car sex. Only after getting into my car, I saw she was pregnant and she verified that true. But nothing stopped me. I still paid, and pumped her just as hard as I pumped any other working-girls. After that, I was disgusted knowing I did it to a pregnant women.

From trying to chase girls, to someone who just seemed so willing to pay for sex...now I wonder, did I made a wrong turn somewhere?

I know I'm young, only 21. But, after all the shitty past experiences chasing girls, I just didn't feel like I wanna try anymore. Was I wrong for using that to justify my excuse to buy sex?